“Self love is accepting yourself, as is.
Reach for the stars…but love yourself right where you are.”
~ Unknown
In the last issue,
“5 Ways to Create Space and Feel Clutter-Free”, I shared tips on creating more space for yourself emotionally. This has been the on-going theme for myself for the past month or so. Finding the balance and peace within myself so that the eye in the storm doesn’t get swept into the tornado’s whirlwind cadence has definitely been challenging to say the least. But the more space I make and the more clutter I clear while being able to silence the chatter in my head, the more I am able to listen to the answers bubbling up within.
I remember awhile back when the noise was just too loud to fully listen to my intuition back then. I can recall being swept away in the tornado ten years ago in a situation that seemed like a very similar situation that I am in now. Where I had lost everything: my job, my home, my relationship. Yet this time around, although somewhat familiar, there was something different. I was different. I had grown from that once lost girl who was desperate to find a way to get things back to “normal” or back to the way things were before to me now having a deep sense of knowing that I no longer wanted things to be the same as they were. Back then I spiraled down a dark hole of self-destructive behavior while now I am reclaiming my power and facing my fears head on.
This time around, I am not getting the same sense of me losing everything. As painful and challenging as it may feel a lot of the time, I actually for the first time feel like I am gaining something: ME. I am finally at a place in my life that loving myself comes first. This is the only way that I can model this to my son to love himself is if I embrace it myself, too. And sometimes loving oneself requires letting go of situations that no longer serve the person you are evolving into.
Another thing that I have noticed is that this time around there are no agendas or expectations from anyone or from any particular situation. I just continue to practice being really present. Present to my feelings and allowing myself the space to truly feel the emotions as opposed to numbing them. Present to taking moments like this to ponder through my writing so that I can place my attention on the Truth and see the bigger picture beyond the circumstances, beyond the pain and feel gratitude for everything that I am experiencing; knowing that everything is supporting my growth. I still have those moments where I go into a place of lack and fear as I consistently look for a job while building my businesses at the same time to pay the bills and put food on the table. Yet I keep placing my attention on the present moment and continue to do what I love, as well. Like writing, for instance. This is my first love and has always been a healthy way for me to release. And although the changes feel scary at times, there is something definitely different this time around and it is feels liberating.
It has been told by doctors that when children go through growing pains, the pain is triggered when their bones grow and stretch over the bone’s thick covering. To me, metaphorically, the pain that triggers us adults when going through drastic changes is a gift that allows our inner strength to stretch beyond Ego’s thick covering, as well.
At least for me, it’s an opportunity that allows for choice; to choose whether I am going to become a victim of my circumstances or to rise above them, to trust and to continue following what feels True for me. To make decisions that intuitively feel light and come from a place of love rather than making choices out of need and fear that tend to feel heavy. This too reflects on all aspects of my life: how I choose to parent with my son; whether I respond from a place of love or react from a place of fear. It is all relative to one another and all begins with a choice.
Just like growing pains for a child is considered a rite of passage so too are the moments when we experience change on an emotional and spiritual level. Unlike most rites of passage that are usually celebrated, some transitional periods require a more intimate healing process.
I recently wrote a book for my son about change to set the stage and help with the transitions that were about to occur in our lives. This is a great tool for whenever you are introducing something that might feel foreign and scary for them at first (i.e. going to their first dentist or doctor visit, going to school for the first time, or when a parent goes on their first business trip away from the family, etc). I learned this wonderful tip from Ruth Beaglehole from Echo Parenting and Education.
The book I wrote for my son is called “From Caterpillar to Butterfly: When Things Change” and it talked about the different stages of a caterpillar’s life. Its message shared that just like caterpillars shift their form so too does life for us humans. Towards the end I gave reminders of ways that he can release his frustrations in a healthy way in case any of the changes felt a bit overwhelming and scary.
As important as it is for us to support our little ones through their emotional growing pains, it is also crucial for us parents to find tools and resources to help us through our own, as well. And it all begins with taking the first step towards loving ourselves.
The following are a couple of tools that can support more self-love:
1.
Acknowledgement - becoming aware of our emotional pain seems like an apparent thing to do but often the emotional trauma lies beneath the surface; below the energy field that we are sometimes not aware of that has most likely stemmed from our childhood. And then surprisingly, the emotional distress that we are feeling sometimes isn’t even our own!
Do you ever sometimes feel sad or angry for no apparent reason? According to Gary Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer from Access Consciousness, 98% of our thoughts, feelings and emotions aren’t even our own! If this is the case, that is a pretty insane percentage of just how much of other people’s emotions and programming that we carry on our shoulders that take up space. Precious space that could be used to create what we really want to experience in our lives.
The good news is there is a simple and amazing tool from Access Consciousness that you can do and teach your children to do, as well when big feelings arise for either one of you. It is called
“Who Does This Belong To?”. This link shares a short video and brief description on how to use the tool that can give you more freedom and joy when you are willing to ask this question.
After you acknowledge the pain, the next step is:
2.
Forgiveness - too often we are hard on ourselves and judge our own behavior (of course something that was most likely passed down from our childhood). Sometimes it seems easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves but in order to model the real value of forgiveness to our children, we must learn to give our inner child empathetic connection, as well.
After forgiveness, it is about making the decision to move forward towards feeling complete joy in our lives.
In order to say “Yes” to ourselves and begin to heal our own wounds, the next several steps are a summarized version from an excerpt from my book,
“Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles for Raising Connected and Confident Children!”.
These steps involve:
- Actually choosing you - Taking the time to get your needs met
- Breathing to get grounded - Allow the brain gibberish to dissipate by focusing on the breath.
- Listening to your heart’s true desires of what you love doing - Once you have chosen to start loving yourself and have slowed down the brain chatter through breathing, now it’s time to listen from your heart to feel what drives your passion.
- Honing in on a list of things you love doing and writing them down on a piece of paper- You may know what gets you ticking and ignites the passion, but writing it down will be a good reminder for you to start doing more of the items on that list.
- Then actually doing what you wrote on that list - What is actually possible when we are actually doing what we truly love doing that enriches who we are being in the world? What if by beingwhat you love to do awakens you to your Truth and fills you up, instead of just filling a void?
- Smiling - Whether you’re looking at yourself in front of the mirror or walking past a stranger, smile! Research has shown that smiling doesn’t only affect one’s mood; it can affect one’s health, as well.
- Being thankful - Being grateful is such an essential piece to the whole puzzle of manifesting what we love to do. When we give thanks, it is vibrating to the Universe that we are ready to manifest more of what we want to attract in our lives.
So if you are going through some emotional growing pains, and are finding it challenging to move past the stress, the first thing is to forgive and love yourself by taking steps (whether it is the suggested tips here or your own resources) to continue staying in the energy field of unconditional love and connection to and for yourself. Even if it feels like a death of an old life, being re-born into a new one that will continue to be a milestone, is a journey worth embarking on!
Just like the beautiful quote in the beginning of this article states that self-love is acceptance of who you are yet still having the willingness to continue “reaching for the stars” – meaning to always discover ways that intuitively guide you in following what is True for you but still embracing the love for yourself wherever you are at on your journey.
Tangee Veloso-Pueblos is the founder of Family Love Village (FLV), the world’s leading conscious community, website and iMagazine called the FLVillage Crier for families passionate about parenting through connection and eco-holistic living. She is also a life coach and author of a conscious parenting book called “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles for Raising Connected and Confident Children!”
Her commitment in creating a supportive forum and a conscious parenting movement by co-creating FLVillages globally where families can be educated on parenting through connection from the many legendary trailblazers before her, as well as learn about becoming eco-friendly advocates and supporting a more natural, holistic lifestyle is the main focus for FLV. Tangee is an eco-mamapreneur, a performer, and a devoted and loving mama to her 6 year old son..
